i should be pleased to be a walking talking miracle. But what I feel most the time is stress over my bills, missing the kids that I was raising because although I was a mom for them dad had issues and took them out on me, and I have no legal rights to see them. I know the Kids are devastated & so am I. I have tried to make things right & swallowed my own pride just so I could see them but he won't budge. On top of all that, I have no work, left with paying for these in my name but had to leave in his house cause I wont fight with a drunk. Now, because of my thyroid which turns out to be a far bigger thing that people think of it, I barely have the energy to get dressed & clean up around the house. So job searching or even carrying on a job position is damn near impossible right now til they get this thing figured out. My muscles are like cemet, my skin is looking like desert sand, and I have anxiety like no one's busniess. I cry 10 times day. I beg God for help.
They retested my thyroid and my TSH is 94.290 from 6 weeks prior at 66.7. Its suppose to be at 3.5. The new meds aren't helping. And I'm another 6 weeks from seeing the Specialist. I am trying to apply for SSI and the doc says most definitely not in any shape to be working but that takes 4 -6 months first round. If I have a lawyer I might only need one round. But in the meanthime I'm freaking because my bills without rent or utilities exceeds my current income of $175 in child support rears, that came long after my son turned 18. But it came & I'm grateful and I wish my son's father good health and continuous work. Waiting on his tax returns to come thru Child Support but that could be several months away still. I know all the stress isn't helping my condition and with each thing I try to help myself nothing is working out..and I just wish sometimes God would take me or turn it around. I have asked , begged implored upon the Lord for help and all I can think is he must be really mad at me for leaving those kids.
If He's, not He has a funny way of showing me I did the right thing. So among everything else I also have issues with God. But if I read the Bible & listen to what my brother says God is not going to save me or stop punishing me for questioning Him and that only makes it worse.
Tired tired, sick & tired.